May 20, 2012

  • The Beast Dresses Himself

     

    TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM

    Don't ask me why but do you find it annoying when your hubby or significant other can't seem to get themselves dressed by themselves?  The Beast can't seem to get those damn buttons for his collar buttoned or his collar over the back of his tie either.  He asks how he looks just like a woman does with less reason.  I mean does one suit vary much over another?  Only the fabric and color changes.  He's got suit jackets alone that cost more than anything I've ever owned in entirety.  That includes all my underwear and my shoes.  **Insert eyeroll here**

    Today, for some reason, he didn't bother me at all when he dressed for church.  I was napping and usually he has no respect for that most wonderful of activities.  I don't take a nap unless I have a *nap attack*.  That's when your body says you CANNOT do another thing until you give it some rest.  It's a totally important thing you have to do for your body or you pay for it later.  So imagine my shock when I woke from my nap and he was gone.  It just proves he can actually dress himself. 

    Chewlee came home with what she calls her *magic wand*.  One of the women there gave her this really cute flower made out of a thin rubbery material that's about the size of a paper plate.  It's layered and has a stick attached to it.  She waves it around and tries to say *abracadabra*.  She cracks me up at how she manages to mangle that even after several attempts to help her say it correctly.  She's now trying to do magic and make a coin disappear.  What she does is, of course, obvious but I try to act surprised and like I didn't see her put it in her other hand.  It makes her happy and I love how she laughs.  This will be short-lived (her attempts at magic) so I'm not concerned about HAVING to burst her bubble.

    She got a spanking today from Papa.  All two thumps to her bottom but you would have thought she was beaten by how she cried when he made her sit in a chair afterward.  She got smart-mouthed today when he told her to put something back.  She actually got this snotty look on her face and said, *I don't have to!*  Ut oh!  She's done that a time or two with me but she doesn't do it any more.  I guess she has to try it with everyone before she learns it's not acceptable behavior.  When I chided her about it, she said to me, *But I don't know what I can't do!  You didn't give me a list!*  I told her why write her a list when she hasn't learned to read yet?  That just made her cry because she hasn't been practicing and didn't know *I* knew that.

    Later, I heard her say to her grandpa, *Grandpa, are you still mad at me?*  This was in a very low, sweet and sorrowful voice.  He told her it made him mad when she wouldn't listen and got smarty-pants with him.  She then said, *I'm sorry, Papa.  I won't do it again.*  He gave her a hug and later even took her for the ride up to Walmart with him so all was well there.

    The Beast made a dreadful mistake when he bought bacon for BLT's.  He got the maple flavored kind.  I cooked it up but I told him it wouldn't taste good.  He actually tried to tell me it would be fine.  Well, he's singing a different tune now.  The only good thing is that he found out that H**mel bacon has GREASE!  He's been bitching that even bacon has become inedible by the damn do-gooder's who think our food has to be made healthy for us because we are too stupid to think for ourselves.  There are just some things that shouldn't be messed with.  There are surely enough alternatives on the market for those who need or want to adjust their diets away from fatty foods.  But STOP MESSING WITH EVERY DAMN FOOD ON THE MARKET!  When you can't even make country gravy any more, that's disgusting.

    Chewlee will be leaving for (and arriving in) Orlando on Thursday.  They are flying out of Atlanta and it only takes about an hour or so to get there.  That's where the grandfather will meet up with them.  I really, really hope she loves it at Disney World.  There's so much to see and do there.  Since they will be doing a lot of walking, I'm glad they are staying at the resort.  It means they can go back to the hotel for Chewlee to catch a nap when she needs it and they will be able to go back into the park when she's awake again....that is IF she doesn't want to hit the pools or something.  It's mind-boggling all you can find to do there and they keep adding things onto it. 

    If she gets to go to Universal Studios, too, and see Harry Potter, she should be in Hog Heaven.  Darn, looks like I am having internet interruptions so I am going to get this posted now.  Love you all and I wish you all a fantastic week.