Month: September 2009

  • Mea Culpa....I Am So Damn Dumb!

    I am so in pain right now.  Just climbing up and down on my step stool to retrieve all the stuff the Beast had on the shelves of the big bookcase in here was a nightmare.    Up and down, up and down, up and.....well, you get the idea.  A lot of it was heavy so I couldn't even gather up a bunch of things but had to do it almost individually.

    And lets talk about his booklets.  OMG, he must have a hundred of them at least.  I leafed through a few and some are for things he doesn't even own any more.  It's the kind of stuff that I throw out when we get rid of anything that requires instructions.  Either that or I pass it along to whomever we give it.  I am going to insist that the Beast go through all of them before anything gets put back in the bookcase after the walls are painted. I would do it but he sometimes keeps them for just a stray piece of information.

     I even found some of his dvd-rw's that he couldn't find a couple weeks ago.  *sigh*  He can be such a dork sometimes because he really doesn't have the patience to go calmly through all the crap he had on the shelves.  Since *I* am totally claiming this room, there's a lot of stuff I will make him put elsewhere because I can really use it for my stuff (extra copy paper, file folders, cameras, etc.) and my current crochet projects. Heck, that would solve the overflow problem with my dvd's, too.   However, if I keep the crocheting in the little carryall's I use for them and just put those on one of the shelves, it will ensure that Baron can't get into the yarn.  Like all animals, it seems he thinks it's a lot of fun to bite, chew and run around with it in his mouth.  We came home one day and he had gotten hold of a full skein of yarn and was really tangled in it...and it was EVERYWHERE.  I was stunned.  Worse, there was no saving any of it.  Needless-to-say, I was pissed.

    Although Baron only sniffs at the yarn lately, he hasn't been alone with yarn available to him since that event.  I will NOT take any chances since I have three different projects going and just enough yarn to complete them.  I usually buy an extra skein or two...or three, depending on how many colors are involved. Two of them I was lucky to get just what the pattern said I would need.  I can't expect to be able to find the same colors again even though they are Red Heart (no lot numbers).  The buyers at the stores I can go to for yarn seem to like to continually change stock and the special colors that strike their fancy.  I guess I really should try to use some more standard colors that are ALWAYS in stock, but what's the fun in that? 

    The Beast called me when he got to Atlanta and he was glad he left earlier than originally planned.  The one thing we forgot was Atlanta is on Eastern time whereas we are on Central.  He would have been late.  He said the hotel where they are holding the classes is breathtaking and amazing in a lot of ways.  He was also surprised to find that the majority of people taking the classes are women.    I know !!  But, why not? 

    It's not MY thing but there are a lot of women that love photography.  I enjoyed it more when we had film, a dark room, an enlarger and all those chemical smells.  I know it sounds nuts but it really just seemed more *real*.  Digital is just too easy and has taken a lot of the fun out of it for me.  I moved on to other things that I find satisfying.

    I am suddenly fighting ants in my room.  It's weird because they aren't going for the waste bin in here. They are moving around on the baseboard and the base of the tv stand.  So there I was with my Dyson, vacuuming up ants and then spraying their trails.  I have a feeling they like carpeting better than the wood floors.  Else, why would they be in here and not out there???    I was down on my stomach and elbows following the trail of ants to try to find out where they were coming in.  I finally found it.  They are coming up the cable connection the Beast ran under the house from my computer to his computer area clear across the house.  *Makes a note to have Beast spray under the house for damn ants!*

    Looks like I can find enough projects for him for a couple weeks with the way I am going.....LOL.  Time for me to get this posted for later.  I still have some things to move and then clean off the shelves, vacuum the cobwebs that were behind the stuff on the top of the bookcase and, well...you know.

    Love you all and I hope you have a great day.  Smile a lot.  Make people wonder.  Call someone you love that you haven't seen or talked to in a while.  Catch up on things with an old friend.  Send someone flowers for no reason at all.  (Donations here will be acceptable and a real treat).  Email me for my address. 

  • A Glutton For Punishment

    That describes me in a nutshell. I had to open my big mouth a while back and now I am stuck with it. I even blogged about saying it. All because I want MY room painted in MY colors. If it were up to the Beast, it would be the same blah beige. All because HE overbuys.

    However, I DID state that I would paint my own room. The Beast, however, has to paint the ceiling before I can do my walls. He was supposed to do it today but the craft table he made for me took more coats of finish than he thought it would. Six, to be exact. It was like a sponge and, yet, it was a good piece of wood.

    I never did tell you about my craft table, did I? I thought the Beast was making himself a desk. He had been talking about it for a while so when he bought the good piece of wood for the top, I assumed that was what he was making. It wasn't until after the legs were on and a front piece attached that he asked me if I wanted a drawer on it and my mouth hit the floor. At first, I thought he was making a practice desk for ME but he told me he thought I needed a craft table that was better than the table I gave to the Princess to use for her house. He felt this one would be better suited and would allow me to leave my sewing machine up (just covered with the plastic cover for it) and still have plenty of room for my paints and ceramics.

    So....even though I painted the trim in here, I won't be able to paint the walls until either Tuesday or Wednesday since the Beast goes to Atlanta for the day tomorrow. He has a Photo Shop Instructional day that he paid for that takes place there. Since he found out he's got until 10 am to register, he's leaving here at 6am and should be there in plenty of time to take part in the whole day. It means he won't be home until around 9pm at the earliest. If he is up to it on Tuesday, he will paint the ceiling in here early so I can get started. I figure I will empty the rest of my shelves in the bookcase and my dvd shelves while he's gone so we can take them down/out Tuesday morning. Everything else in here can just be moved away from the walls since it's just my desk and the TV and it's stand. Oh, and the wastebin and recliner. Those will be covered up anyway until the ceiling is done.

    Did I tell you that Baron has pretty much given up and is using his bed and pillow to sleep on these days? At least he does until we are deep asleep and then he sneaks up on the bed but he stays at the foot of the bed now. I just love how he makes a kind of deep *wuff* when he's laying down to go to sleep at night. It sounds more like a doggy sigh. He IS using the pillow for his head and, when he sneaks up on the bed, he uses my feet for a pillow.

    My daughter read my blog yesterday and commented that she is still afraid. We talked about it a bit on the phone and she's also very angry at him and upset that he could think he could talk to her like he does. He has said some vile things about her and accused her of things he has no reason to say. He has no clue what her life has been like since she left him. He needs his brain removed...IF he has one, which I am really not sure about. Can someone live without one? Perhaps it's just that only a small part of it is used. LOL....we could recycle his when his karma catches up to him.

    Time to go once again. Thank you for stopping by. Love you all and hope you have a wonderful day. I will be busy for the most part but it will be a happy busy.

  • Chewlee And The Beast

    I can't believe I am writing this AGAIN.  I went to save it and it just disappeared.  I had put down the adventures of Chewlee here today and her intense *conversation* with the Beast about the movie *Tremors* that we had watched.  She had picked it out, along with the movie *Independence Day*.  When I asked her why she wanted those movies, she pointed at the front of Tremors and said, *Monsters!* 

    The Beast looked like a deer caught in headlights when she went out to the dining area and sat down opposite him.  I knew from her gestures that she was trying to tell him about the monsters coming out of the ground and had to laugh.  He had no clue until I told him.  He never learned to understand *kidlet*.  When he finally got up from the table and sat in his recliner, she crawled up into his lap and sat there contentedly for all of five minutes before coming back into my room to watch the second of the four Tremors movies.  I tried to get Independence Day to load but the crack in it that I discovered a month or so ago has finally prevented it from starting at all.  I guess I really need to get on Amazon.com and order a replacement for it and my *The Stand*.

    I spoke to Buttmunch today and actually made her laugh.  I was glad because I know she is upset over the Brutus/Sheepie situation.  He's not letting Sheepie call her mother (Buttmunch) at all because he is trying to force Buttmunch into sending him money.  It just pisses him off that she won't do it.  She bought a student Visa card complete with Sheepie's name on it that she can reload.  The purpose of it is to give Sheepie some freedom from always going to her father for money.  It won't allow Brutus access to the money since he can't get cash from it and that's what he really wants so he can buy his drug of choice at the moment.  It used to be just marijuana but I don't know if that is still true or if he has moved on to other things.  His current wife doesn't even live with him but does come over to get drunk and do drugs with him from what I understand.  This is mostly from things that Sheepie has disclosed from time-to-time, although she tries not to say anything bad about anyone, even her father when he makes her cry.

    One of the things we discoveed about Sheepie is she is more her mother's child than her father's.  Those early years with her mother before her father kidnapped her were obviously the crutial ones.  I had always loved her independent thinking.  It showed up in the way she could always figure out when her father wasn't being honest with her and she would tell him what SHE thought.  Then she would tell him, *I'm done talking now* and hand me the phone. 

    We really worried that he might have physically abused her and even worse so it was a real relief to find out he hadn't for whatever reason.  He had, I am sure, subjected her to some mental abuse because that is just his nature.  We actually thought he might have some real love for her but I'm not sure of that now.  I think it really was more that he knew it would cut my daughter deeply to be separated from her child.    I'm certain that every time he looked at her, it was a reminder of what he was doing to hurt her.  It still pisses me off that we lost all those years with her and we are virtual strangers to her now.  Her relationship to her mother is or was going great until this last episode.  They spoke every night for at least an hour about anything and everything.  Some of the restraints between mothers and daughters is absent and they can literally talk about anything like best friends.  I think that is wonderful and amazing.  Sheepie really DID miss having a loving mother in her life.  More's the pity about what is going on now.

    Well, I am going to get this set for posting later tonight.  I hope you have a peaceful and pleasant Sunday.  Love you all.  Thanks for stopping by.

  • Things I Want To Remind My Daughter About And Other Thoughts

    My heart is bleeding for my daughter who is living in fear because Brutus, her ex- and the father of her daughter, has become a total asshole. Actually, he was always an asshole but he's no longer making the attempt to hide it. His whole *thing* is control and he cannot control Buttmunch so this infuriates him. She is being forced into taking him to court if the attorney she is consulting can find the proper tools. I fear it is going to be the kidnapping charge and that is okay, too, if necessary. It's just she didn't want to take her daughter from everything she is used to ... all her friends, her school....that sucks.

    I want to remind my daughter of a few things if I can put them correctly. I've never tried to put this into words so bear with me.

    Control freaks come in a couple categories but have one thing in common....fear. They just use different means to create it. Some, like Brutus, use physical force to create this fear. They also, in the case of women, will keep them captive after their first *lesson*. And it is always the women in their life that they want to control since they have learned over the years that it doesn't work the same in the real world where fists and the ability to cause pain can be countered by someone bigger, tougher or someone who can throw your ass in jail.

    Others exercise control more insidiously. It's a slower process but they use it to control more than their women. They use it to control their children. It's a type of mental abuse and a tight control over money and all decisions that are made. They are also capable of violence but only as a last resort.

    Both types are capable of murder. Both will not see that it was THEIR fault. It will always be someone else's. They also never apologize for anything because they are not capable of seeing that they were wrong about anything. They thrive on their fear and have no real empathy for any pain they might cause.

    They do have a weakness but, unfortunately, it can actually set off their violence. That weakness is being laughed at for anything unless they themselves are poking fun at themselves. That is the only acceptable time for them to be laughed at. They have held themselves up to ridicule. Otherwise, being laughed at pisses them off big time. It is not acceptable to a control freak.

    The only way to handle the situations that arise is to ignore the threats and be as logical as possible. Keep going back to the initial thought or situation persistently and make calm, logical statements or answers. This takes practice and you must never show fear or react to it in the way they expect. It's difficult to do but you MUST get rid of fear. If you diffuse the situation, there is no need for you to be fearful because the true source of their power is what YOU give them. Refuse to do it. You must decide that YOU will NOT allow yourself to be a target any longer. Stick with being calm and logical at all times, no matter how many of your *buttons* they push.

    Decide that your buttons will no longer work for them. Laugh when you recognize that this is the tactic they are using and recognize your own *buttons*. In the long run, once you get the hang of it, you will be stronger and less afraid. Carry wasp spray with you if you are concerned for yourself physically. Wasp spray can be used 12 feet away and is a very effective deterrent. They know that poison has been sprayed on them and, perhaps, even in their eyes. Carry it at the ready when you feel most exposed and vulnerable.

    I'm not saying to be constantly afraid but be aware of your surroundings at all times. Make sure you have a fully charged cell phone with you and easily reached so you can call 9-1-1 quickly. Immediately identify WHERE you are to the operator since cell phones don't automatically identify where you are. All cell phones can be traced via GPS but if you are being or have been attacked, identifying where you are saves time.

    When you refuse to let your fear control you, you weaken the control freak. He WANTS you to be afraid. He WANTS you to be so afraid that you no longer are able to enjoy life. He WANTS you to be always looking for him to pop up because he's already told you that he might/will. He can stay right where he is and yet know you are not enjoying life because he has made you fearful. He can control you over long distances and just laugh about it. Meantime, there is no light or laughter in YOUR life because your fear has control.

    You CAN decide NOT to be afraid any longer. I have been there. I remember vividly the day I decided it and meant it deep down inside. I felt amazingly calm because of that decision and even peaceful. My life changed a lot afterward. I would wish that every woman that has a control freak in her life could find the strength to do what she must to break free from the fear. Fear is the great mind-killer because our minds really do stop working when it takes over.

    This turned out a lot longer than I had planned but, once I got into it, I just kept going on. My mind kind of took over. I don't know how much this will help anyone but if it's just one person, I would be thrilled.

    Love you all. Be happy and, for heaven's sake, run when you meet anyone that wants to *own* you. It's bound to turn out bad. If the words *It's just you and me babe* come out of their mouth......RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!

  • Why Parents Grow Old So Quickly

    When you have kids, you often think that it will be great when they are grown and finally out of your hair and you can have a life of your own.  Let me tell you this, *IT AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN*.  Trust me on this, you NEVER stop worrying about your kids and what is going on with them.  You hope they stay safe, stay healthy, are happy and enjoy life a bit.  You want to see them be happy with their work, to make enough money to enjoy the good things in life, to have kids if that's what they want and that those kids are healthy and whole.  You will help them out with some *loans* when things don't go well with them and they are between a rock and a hard place.  You may even have to take them in (again) a time or two until they *get on their feet*.

    This has kind of hit me again with my daughter, Buttmunch.  She was living with a *bad boy* when she was younger.  They had a child while they were together that we shall call Sheepie since that is what Buttmunch calls her.  The sperm donor, Brutus, actually kidnapped her and it took 9 years to find her.  She was found, finally, on Facebook and we managed to convince Brutus to let her come visit us for Christmas.  Not that it was easy and, until she was actually in our car (we had to go get her in Georgia), we weren't sure if it was really going to happen.

    Now it's been 10 years since Buttmunch and Brutus were together but the jerk is still as mean and unpredictable as ever.  He has now decided that it was He THAT WAS WRONGED.  He has overlooked the fact that there was a signed agreement between them that he violated and he could actually be prosecuted for his kidnapping.  HE, however, believes that my daughter should now pay HIM child support for taking care of her.

    Since she is unemployed and his own agreement states that he assumes ALL financial obligations for her while she is with him, it seems like a rather stupid thing to think, ya know?   I think he thought Buttmunch was bluffing that she has a copy of the agreement (not a bluff) and he tried to act like that agreement doesn't matter because it took place so long ago or something.  Dumb is his middle name obviously.  She told him to go ahead and take her to court.  She would just love it.

    He has, however, turned to a different tactic lately.  Threats.  Not very nice ones (he's threatened to kill her) and has done it rather stupidly (I said his middle name was DUMB, didn't I?) by leaving said threats on voice mail and even texts on her cell phone.   He can be scary to women since he's got a hot temper (and one poor woman was raped but did testify and he got sent to prison for it).  I know that he broke Buttmunch's arm once (she was able to hide that from us until long afterward because she lived so far away from us) and he still scares her because he IS so violent.  After she left him, she went and got herself certified and she was licensed for a long time to carry a concealed weapon.  That doesn't apply in her current state, however.  He is definitely the type that you don't even try to talk to....just shoot and kneecaps are a good place to start because if he gets his hands on YOU, he WILL cause a world of hurt.

    So now I have HER to worry about because it would be very much like the jerk to get loaded with some friends one night and decide he's going to *teach her a lesson* and show up at her doorstep the next.  He's a brooder and he can't get over the fact that SHE left HIM.  That kind of tells you the type of personality we are talking about.  10 years and he still is pissed.  That is also what makes him so dangerous.  Men that think that way are not sane.  He may not be certifiable but it doesn't make him less dangerous. 

    Buttmunch decided to try to do something legally.  What that is will depend on what the attorney she will be seeing next week has to say.  No matter what she does, it is sure to set off fireworks.  It won't scare him, unfortunately.  It will just fuel this anger he has towards her.  Our concern now is that this anger doesn't get turned towards Sheepie who is kind of a hostage to it while he rants and raves.  He's made her cry more than once since this all started. 

    My sons would love to waylay him and beat the living crap out of him at the very least.  I hope that's all it remains because there has to be a way to beat the bullies of this world BEFORE they do something irreversible.  It's just another chronicle of how and why mothers and fathers never stop worrying about and over their kids. 

    Sometimes, it is the stuff of nightmares.

  • A Rainy Day In N.E. Alabama

    I woke up to rain and it's pretty much taken up most of today.  Somehow it didn't bother me like it sometimes does because I am really a sun person.  But it was a gentle rain for the most part.  It DID come down hard a couple times but there was no thunder or lightning.  It cleared up just before sunset and tomorrow is supposed to be scattered showers.  When they say that, it usually means the rain misses us.

    Didn't do much of anything today.  I spent the day kind of resting up because I thought I was going to have my little Chewlee for the night and tomorrow.  Turns out, the Princess decided she isn't going up to see her girlfriend and she *forgot* to tell me that.    She's finally taking the car in to be repaired at the dealers tomorrow and will be driving our pickup until that's done.  It's not supposed to take long and I know she's going to really miss that car while she's driving the pickup.  It is SO darn big.  It always feels like a tank to me and I hate backing up in it because the bed is so long.  I'm always afraid I am going to hit something....or someone.

    I'm tired and going to bed soon so I will cut this short to get it posted.  Love you all.  Have a wonderful day.  Life is short so remember to forget what people will think of you...take a walk in the rain, sing in the shower, dance like no one is watching.

  • I Clean The Rug And Other Trivia

    I literally spent the afternoon cleaning the rug here in my puter room.  I have a really great fairly new Bissell steam cleaner, complete with heat and it's wonderful!  It really pulls up the water and the rug was dry in under an hour once I finished. 

    The room can't be any bigger than 12x12 I think but it felt a LOT bigger with all the pushing and pulling of the steam cleaner.  You could see all the little spots where Chewlee dripped juice or milk.  The ones I left with my coffee as I walked into the room and to my desk here.  It really was a mess.

    I was stunned at how clean it got.  I thought the rug was really a total disaster.  So did the Beast and it was fun to watch his face when he saw it.    I am going to have Chewlee Wednesday night and I guess Thursday night, too, while the Princess runs up to spend a day with one of her bestest friends in the world when she flies up to visit her dad in Tennessee.  I will drop the baby off at day care on Thursday and, I think, Johnnycakes will drop her off her at the house some time before he has to go to work.

    I just wonder if Chewlee, as little as she is, will notice the difference in here.  It's startling to me.  Even if she doesn't, it at least makes me feel better about her playing on the floor now.  She is so funny when she is playing with her doll.  I have a baby blanket here that she will use to wrap her *baby* in or cover her when she puts her down for a nap.  She even insists on having a pillow for her head. 

    The Beast's painting frenzy has slowed quite a bit.  Today he only got one side of the bathroom door and the trim on both sides done.  I thought he would get the bathroom walls painted, too, but he didn't even attempt it.  That cracked me up since it's the smallest room in this house.  There's not all that much wall to do in there.  But, hey, it keeps him out of MY room for a bit and allows me some time to continue to get things organized.  I DID tell him that my need for another small set of shelves is becoming critical.  He stole the shelves out of the guest room and put it in our bedroom for his stuff.  I am not complaining about that since it keeps his shit out of the drawers in the nightstands.  I had plans of my own for those drawers. 

    My closet is organized now and all the stuff I wanted is in there neatly.  I just have no clue how long it will stay that way.  I am still hoping that I get my craft table back some time before full winter sets in so I have it for painting my ceramic figures.  I had to take my paint carousel apart and store all my paints in a plastic bin until I have a real place to keep it again.

    The Beast reminded me that he is going to Atlanta on Sunday and will check in to a motel or hotel there for the night.  He is taking a full day's worth of classes for his Photo Shop program.  It starts at 9am, I believe, and he would have to get up too early to drive there in the morning and be able to pay attention all day long.  The dog is going to have a fit since he can't go with him.  As it is, I hope the classes are riveting because that is the only way he won't HAVE to take a nap.  He will be exhausted when he gets home though.  I think I may make some chicken and noodles for dinner.  He loves that.  Better yet, chicken and dumplings.    I haven't made those in ages.  Sounds like a plan to me.

    It's that time again.  Gotta run and get this ready to go later.  Love you all.  Have a great day.  Oh, and say a little prayer for Tonto who seems to be doing well on the plasma exchanges.  My heart goes out to the widow of Patrick Swayze who finally succumbed to cancer.  I loved him in Dirty Dancing and will never forget the reaction to a 14-year old Princess when she saw it for the first time.  She said, in a hushed voice, *Who IS that guy????*  ROFL...she was impressed I would say. 

  • Every Well Meaning Project Has It's Own Punishment...LOL

    Ahhh, the pungent scent of paint hanging in the air......makes me nauseous after two or three days of it, doesn't it you?  Yes, the Beast is still painting in the guest room.  He has spent two days painting doors and trim (including around the window).  What cracks me up is this.....now that the door to the room itself is painted his bright white, guess what OTHER doors and trim now will have to be painted??? 

    This small hall has:  the guest room door (painted), the bathroom door, the computer room door, the coat closet door, and the linen closet door (all complete with trim.  Other than the guest room door, the others are NOT a bright white.  They are white, just not bright white.  You can tell the Beast did not think this painting thing through.  He has just added several more days of painting to his project.

    This will also involve me, albeit minimally.  He takes the doors off since none of them were painted at the top or bottom which results in the doors doing some pretty funny expanding and contracting depending on heat, humidity or even cold.  While the doors all seem to be fitting well, it seems like it might just be a good time to get that done anyway.  When he gets ready to reattach the doors, I have to help by putting one of the pins in the hinges (there are three on these doors) and then holding the door straight while he does the other two. 

    I spent today trying to clean and straighten out the closet in my computer room.  I want to clean the carpet but realized that I needed to get some things put away first.  I was going to just shove them in the closet but realized that I was creating a monster by not just doing the job and getting it over with.  So I pulled stuff out, took it off the shelves, went through boxes, threw out a bunch of stuff (like papers from a house we haven't owned in almost 30 years) and then started putting stuff back neatly and with some organization once again.  I don't know how long it will last but at least for now it is in great shape.  I may actually get to clean the carpet tomorrow if I can only get the bookcase neatened up a bit.  I'm thinking maybe I can even get to it a bit later tonight after I get some clothes folded that are in the dryer.  I have been cleaning some of the blankets and linens that were on the shelf so I can put them away, fresh and clean.  I had actually forgotten that I had some linens on my shelf here so they were a bit...well, yellowed and dusty.  I never claimed to be Mrs. Clean, Neat and Organized.    I do, however, keep all my spreads and blankets in zippered plastic bags.  Usually, the ones they came in when I bought them.

    The Beast is trying to cut down some of the time he will be spending on painting the doors and trim by painting what he can and still be in sight of the TV while football is on (this is Monday night when I am writing this).  He can actually do quite a bit as long as his legs hold out, which may not be too much longer since he's already been on his feet for quite a while today.

    We had a couple downpours here today and expected a thunderstorm or two but it seems it passed us by but did hit the towns north of us.  The Beast found that out when he was going to take the dog for a run by the lake and hit the top of the hill heading down towards it and it was pouring.  We, on the other hand, had lots of sunshine going on by us.  Weird, huh? 

    It was another day of feeling great, hence the energy and interest in cleaning up the closet.  May I have many more. 

    I have to close for now and get this set up for posting.  I feel bad when I see the people that are looking for it shortly after midnight and I don't have it ready.  I apologize.  I am trying to be better.  Love you all and I wish you all a wonderful day.  Stay happy, smile a lot and try to laugh out loud a time or two.

    The thought for the day is this:  'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'   This was out of the mouth of a 4 year-old.  Precious, don't you think?

  • What A Wonderful Day!

    When life is good, it can be great!  Today I woke up feeling more energetic and...well, normal (if there is such a thing) than I have in ages.  I have no idea how or why but I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

    The strange thing is that I thought I was feeling good long before today.  Isn't it weird how your memory of such things can fade when you have been ill for a long period?  I have been healthier for over a year now and, other than the problem with back pain from time-to-time, I truly thought I felt good.  I have gained weight (from 80 lbs. to 124 lbs.) so I don't look like death warmed over.  People that saw me back when I was ill thought I was dying.  When you figure I am 5'5" tall and used to weigh a hefty 260 lbs. 7 years ago, you might understand why my weight loss scared a lot of people. 

    I had actually started a serious diet way back then (2002) because I decided that I wanted to live and see my grandchildren grow up, marry and have great-grandchildren.  I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes two years previously and, the more I read about it, the more I realized that I would be much healthier and have fewer health problems if I lost the weight. 

    I went on a modified diabetic diet of about 2400 calories a day.  It took about 2 months for me to really start losing weight but I kept at it.  Some days I reduced the caloric intake even though I knew it was smarter to keep to a regular calorie intake and reduce it over time on a schedule.  But since it was working for me, I figured don't argue with results.  It took me almost 2 years to lose 100 lbs but I felt wonderful about it.

    But when I started losing weight faster, I really thought it was just my body responding very well and the fact that I had further reduced my calorie intake to about 1600 a day.  I had no idea that I had some health issues that were taking over and causing me to lose another 30 lbs. in about 6 months.  By the time I hit that 130 lb. mark, I was starting to have occasional abdominal pain episodes.  I was down to 110 lbs. when I finally had to find a local doctor (we had moved from the Ft Lauderdale area over to the Gulf Coast about a year before this).  He made some adjustments in my diabetes medications and took other tests and gave me some pain medication (very mild since he was hesitant about giving me that without a real diagnosis).  We did, eventually, find out that I had gall stones and needed my gall bladder removed.  By this time, I was in almost constant pain and was almost unable to move off the couch. 

    After recovering from that surgery, I had hoped to feel better but was surprised that I was still having a great deal of pain.  It was during my recovery from the gall bladder surgery that we ended up moving here to Alabama.  Thankfully, friends and family were a great deal of help since I was unable to lift anything and could hardly stand up for longer than 5 minutes.  It was a bit of a nightmare for me since I wasn't used to being helpless.  I was supposed to rest, stay off my feet and not lift anything heavier than 10 lbs.  I was also not to vacuum or do things that would cause me to tighten up my stomach muscles at all.  Weird instructions but I can tell you that it really wasn't hard with the way I felt.

    I spent the next two years trying to find out why I had these horrible bouts of pain.  The doctors sent me through all kinds of tests, even checking for metasticized scarring from the surgery as best they could.  Finally, one young doctor came up with the diagnosis of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).  I got my instructions, the medications for it (some just temporary to stop the spasms which caused the pain) and it worked!  Little by little, I got better until I finally felt we had found out what it was.  I was told that having both at the same time (gall stones AND IBS) would make it difficult to diagnose since two problems at the same time in the same general area is unusual.   Figures, right? 

    So I have been taking care of my dietary intake for things that upset my system and, for the most part, have been doing well.  I was told that if I could go a few months without an episode, I might never have a problem with it again or it might be six months or a year before it happens again.  I have learned to *feel* the signs of irritation before it becomes a big problem.  I know when I need to stay close to home (and the bathroom).  I feel wonderful when my IBS is quiet but I had no idea that the way I felt was not really the best I could feel. 

    I am saying a prayer of thanks and gratitude that I have had this day.  I hope to have many more like it in the days ahead. 

    Love you all.  Have a great day and take care of YOUR health.  We only get one go 'round in this life and that can be long or short, depending on what YOU do with it. 


  • UPDATE ON TONTO #2....

    First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their prayers for Tonto and his family.  The prognosis now is *hopeful* after four plasma exchanges.  His white cell count is coming up slowly.  It is enough that they were able to remove the catheter.  He is one step from being able to leave the ICU.  He still has another 10-14 more plasma exchanges to go.

    One funny thing happened.  In order to figure the amount of plasma needed, Tonto had to be weighed.  They actually weigh him in his bed.  The weight of the bed, bedding and linens is known so they subtract that to figure the patient weight.  Well, it seem the nurse transposed the last two numbers so instead of having lost almost 60 lbs., he actually has only lost about 8 lbs or so from the last time he was weighed.  The nurse realized her mistake later and corrected it but it DID cause Tara quite a bit of concern for a bit.

    Tara said he was out of pain finally or at least it is now much more bearable.  He was even able to crack jokes about all the people they have heard from that his son contacted when he was called.  Tonto laughed and said, *Sure....all it takes is almost dying and they come out of the woodwork!*  Tara finally believes he really DOES have family and friends.  It's just that none of them live close.  Out of sight, out of mind I guess.  Only his son and family have visited them here in Alabama.

    So please continue the prayers.  He's far from a real assurance of getting well yet.  It's just *hopeful*.  Tara has taken a positive attitude.  She has left it in God's hands (her words exactly).    I believe in the power of prayer.  Thank you, my dear friends.  Love you all.