February 28, 2013

  • I Never Chose To Get Old...Where Is The Complaint Department?

    TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM

    I swear, I know why some older people cover their mirrors.  Mirrors are depressing.  Total strangers look out at you.  It's certainly not anyone *I* recognize.  *I* am NOT that wrinkled, greying OLD person.  I am young.  I have energy and things I want to do, places I want to go.  I am NOT getting near the time I must leave this life and explore what comes next.  I don't want to write a Will or think about what things I have that are dear to me that should go to this one or that. 

    I don't want the Beast trying to convince me that I am too old to drive myself up to Chicago even though I had planned to stop here and there to visit with my kids and my sister that live on the way to where I am going.  Understand this....it is NOT because I am old that I am breaking up my trip.  No, no, no....it's because I want to spend some time with those I love.

    So I DID have to have surgery on my legs because my circulation was kind of blocked but that can happen to anyone.  It is NOT because I have really gotten old.  A cane?  WHAT????  Canes are for old people.  Not me, thank you very much.  How could you even suggest it.  Oh well, my great-granddaughter can play horsey with it. 

    Yes, I said my GREAT-granddaughter.  Hey, I was a young grandmother and also a very young great-grandmother.  That's what happens when you marry young and have your kids young.  Do I wish I had waited?  Waited for what?  I am still young...at heart. 

    I remember years ago seeing an old man and woman, they must have been in their 90's, walking slowly down the street, hand-in-hand.  Someone said something derogatory about them being so old....something like they shouldn't been seen on the street.  They thought it was disgusting.  I got angry and said, *You know, in their hearts, they are still young.  It's their bodies that have betrayed them.*  I also added the thought that one day THEY would be old and would not believe their life had just flown by so quickly.  Now, HERE I AM...and I never, never asked to get old.  Not once.  How in the hell did this happen?

    The Beast and I will be celebrating our 49th anniversary in August.  That alone is a shock to me.  I really thought I would have killed him and be out of prison by now.  Instead, we're still married.....dammit!  I could have been FREE!!!    He is not big on any kind of holiday, birthday or anniversary so a dinner out MIGHT be the only recognition HE gives to it.  I suppose I should be grateful.  If you don't think about just how damn long a time that is, you can deny being old to yourself.

    I never wanted nor expected some of the problems I face.  Bowel problems.  Arthritis.  Back problems.  Eye problems.  The Beast has it worse because every three months, he has to go to a urologist and have a cable shoved up his Johnson so they can check for more cancer.  It seems to recur every six months.  He's had four or five surgeries so far and a nurse friend of mine says that cancer is very virulent.  It does not go away.  The only *cure* is to remove the bladder and that will never happen with the Beast.  He won't willingly have to strap a bag on his body because he can't control his bladder any more.  Hey, it wouldn't be there!   He will continue his trek even though he bleeds for a couple days afterward.  Same with the surgery only there's more pain.  This last surgery he had, his prostate was removed.  What was left of it.  He'd already had part of it removed due to cancer there, too. 

    How does he feel?   He can't believe he has gotten so old.  He had two strokes almost 12 years ago.  One was major and left him paralyzed on his left side for almost a year.  He worked hard to be able to walk again and regain the use of his arm and hand.  His leg still hasn't fully recovered.  Probably because his stroke was a brain stem stroke.  Yep, poked a hole in that sucker about the size of a pencil.  I'm pretty sure you could poke a pencil through it up to the part of his brain that was damaged.  He has short term memory problems.  The doctors all said he should have either died or been a vegetable with the stroke he had.  But NOOOOOOOO!  He survives and has even lived longer than the five years the doctors figured would be all he had.  I have the worst luck.

    My kids have all laid down the law to me.  I MUST outlive the SOB.  I won't go into all the reasons why but...they want to see me happy for whatever time I have left.  Me?  I want to be able to sell off the guns he bought AND the ammunition.  That's after my kids take their pick of what they want.  We have both regular rifles and a couple black powder ones.  We even have a family heirloom gun from the civil war that the Beast made a special mount for that is hanging in our bedroom.  Me?  I just want a gun and a license to carry a concealed weapon for when I travel.  If I had a wish that could come true, I would love to become a Federal Marshall so I could carry in every state and not worry about violating any laws.  I always have to check the laws of the states I drive through to see how I can carry my gun. 

    Some states I can carry it inside the car, unloaded, with the ammunition in the trunk.  In fact, that works in most states so ... when in doubt, that's how I will carry mine.  But, when I am alone (or have one of my kids with me), I will sometimes have it in our hotel/motel room under my pillow if the clientele is *iffy*.  Since we have Baron with us when the Beast and I travel, we don't have to worry about that.  Most people are afraid of dobermans and Baron is very protective of us.  He doesn't even rest well if there are people outdoors at night.  He stays very alert and gives an incredible growl if anyone should stop outside our door.  Good boy!

    I do have plans when the Beast goes to face his maker.  I won't say what except it DOES involve travel.  Like Chewlee said to me this morning when she told me she had two dreams about ME....*I can't tell you my dreams, Grandma, or they won't come true.*  I don't know who told her that but I told her it was okay then if she didn't want to tell me.  When I asked if they were good dreams, she said yes.  That's kind of how I feel about revealing MY plans.  It DOES involve the kids and I all having one adventure together that will be a good memory for everyone after I am gone.  And that's all I am going to say.

    I was up kinda late last night and who comes into my computer room to ask me when I am coming to bed because she *is lonely*?  I was waiting for something in particular and had another 15 minutes or so to wait so she lay down in my recliner and fell asleep.  When I was done, I turned off my computer, the TV and woke Chewlee up a little so I could carry her into the bedroom.  I turned off my light as we left and got comfy under the covers.  She snuggled up to me and put her arm across my neck.  She was asleep before I was but the next thing I remember was the Beast throwing the light on and waking me up.  I kissed Chewlee awake and she came into the computer room to watch cartoons.  When I told her that the Beast had bought donuts, she was out of the room like a shot to grab one.  She gets breakfast at school but I figured she just might be hungry.  She more than likely ate breakfast when she got there since she gets to eat with her friends and I am sure she was still hungry.  She just spent some time waking up before she got dressed.  She was ready and out the door when the bus got here.

    Today was back to her own home.  The Princess picks her up after gymnastics.  Chewlee was concerned because she said she *didn't know what they were going to do.*  I took it that she meant an activity or some place they might go.  I told her to just let it be a surprise.  I also told her that there would be nothing wrong with just going home and spending time with her mother.  She then got dressed so she could go out in the living room to watch her cartoons on the *big* TV.

    It's time to get this posted.  Love you all and I hope your week has gone well so far.  Stay warm and dry.  Drive carefully.  The life you save may be your own.