December 28, 2012

  • Life Is Way Too Short As Far As I Am Concerned...

    TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM

    I hadn't intended on talking about the death of my aunt in my blog today.  She was old by most standards, in her 90's.  She fought to live for many years but had COPD bad enough to require oxygen supplemented 24 hours a day.  She had one of those breathing units that she could strap over her shoulder and take with her.  Much easier than carting around one of those big tanks.  But she became feeble and ended up in a nursing home close to her daughter's home in Arizona.  She hated having to sell her home in Washington State but she was so sad about the deaths of her oldest son before he was 21, then her youngest son, Wayne, who was only in his late 40's.  She also was my mother's closest sister.  By closest, I mean that they had both real affection for each other and a kind of psychic connection that I witnessed many times while growing up.

    I probably knew more than my other siblings about my aunt.  I knew she had a different father than my mother and her other siblings had.  She was the result of an intense love affair (the kind only the young seem to have) my grandmother had when she was young but the family never discussed it.  Having a child out of wedlock in those days wasn't something *nice* people talked about.  Besides, my grandmother met and married my grandfather not long afterward.  He died of pneumonia before I was born.  My grandmother met and remarried the man she spent the rest of her life with that I called Grandpa.  He was a remarkable man whom I loved very much.  I was close to both of them and spent much time with them while a child.

    Bratfink and I had been talking about my aunt just a day or two before we got the news about her death.  I had been close to my cousin, Wally.  We were only about two years or so apart in age.  I was just 18 when he died and he was several months short of his 21st birthday.  He had always said that he wouldn't live to be 21.  He spent the last night of his life with me and my group of friends on a *Grendel Hunt*, our equivalent of a kind of *snipe hunt* that was fun.  The reason we were close was because my mother and his were close, spending a lot of time together with their kids (and without them, along with her other two sisters). 

    My aunt was a vibrant woman who was also the first divorced woman I ever remember knowing back then.  When she divorced my Uncle Ed, my mother was her staunch supporter.  My mother also introduced her to the man who became her second husband, Tom.  I always referred to them as Mutt and Jeff because my aunt was a rather tall woman (for that time) at 5'9".  My uncle was a rather short Italian (5'6") who loved when she dressed up in her high heels.  He was so proud and my aunt knew he loved the ground she walked on.  He also brought to the marriage two stepson's and a stepdaughter from his first marriage.  Aunt Ruth finally had the big family she had wanted.  We were all saddened when he died in his early 50's.  I spent a lot of time with them during my early teenage years, especially after I learned to drive.  I used to love to drive out and spend the day with them when I could after they moved out to the suburbs (we had too but our move was out west and theirs was south). 

    Bratfink said she was sorry she was so young when so much of this was going on.  Bratfink and I are 10 years apart in age and I often forget that she was really too young when much of this was going on.  I always had radar going when the adults were sitting around talking and I could be a fly on the wall in order to hear all they had to say.  Later on, when my mother and I would be alone, I would ask questions about some of the things I heard and she would explain them to me so that I would understand.  My mother loved family and she passed that love of family down to all her children.  We had great uncles and aunts that we might not have known well but we loved them all, too.  Mom tried hard to stay in contact with all of the family and we would visit whenever we could.  We kids all behaved and mom was never ashamed to take us anywhere because she knew we would behave so all seven of us kids would end up going with mom to see them and we were always welcomed.  Or we at least were made to feel that way because our whole family was very loving.

    After our mother died at the young age of 56, and then grandma, who was in her 70's, it seems like our family kind of grew apart both with distance and lifestyles.  Aunt Ruth moved from Chicago out to Washington State to be close to her only birth daughter and her youngest son.  She loved it there and was happy.  I would write to her (snail mail) and hear about her grandchildren from her and how proud she was of them.  Wayne, her son there, had a son he loved and he sent me a picture of him and his son on occasion via email (I cried when that hard drive crashed shortly after Wayne died because I totally lost all the pictures I had on it).  Her daughter, Kari, had two daughters.  Aunt Ruth loved little girls after having three sons before she had Kari, who was her child with my Uncle Tom. 

    I can still see my aunt in my minds eye, wearing one of the many dresses my mother sewed for her.  She always smelled so wonderful with her favorite perfume, White Shoulders and with her blonde hair done up in one of the elaborate hairdos of the day.  Her makeup (I thought) was always perfect and she had this flawless complexion.  She was a very striking woman for many, many years.  I think all of us kids always considered her beautiful. 

    She had a beautiful heart.  Her daughter's first child was a Down Syndrome baby and my aunt loved her with all her heart.  It was wonderful to see.  That grandchild graduated from a regular high school with straight A's and my aunt told me she was so proud at all that girl had achieved.  She struggled through many adversities but came out on top.  I think part of that was how she was loved, not just by her parents and younger sister, but also because of how her grandmother always saw her as the perfect child with no disability.  Like I said, my aunt had a huge and loving heart.

    I will miss her. 

    Love you all.  Remember to always tell those you love that you DO love them.  No amount of time with them is ever enough.  Life is short.  The older you get, the shorter it becomes.