July 18, 2011

• The Beast And Chrome....Anything!!!

  
  TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM

  Long ago, when the Beast and I first got married, I discovered he had this...compulsion.  I don't know what else you would call it.  If we were shopping, for instance, and were in the automotive department more than likely, the sight of a tool that was all chrome would stop him dead in his tracks.  A timing light comes to mind.  He already had one or two of the damn things (how many does a man really need?).  That was back in the days when you could actually work on your own cars.  You could reach all the parts without having to remove the engine.

  Anyway, when he stopped dead, I knew...KNEW...without a doubt that our budget was going to take a major hit because he was going to buy that thing come hell or high water.  We really couldn't afford it but buy it he did.  Of course, it wasn't right then.  He tried to fool me with some *slight of shopping*.  While I was busy trying on something or other, he slipped off, bought it and actually went out and hid it in the car before coming back to find me.  Was I fooled?  Hell, no! 

  This compulsion still exists in him today.  We needed another cigarette machine since mine had broken and it just doesn't work trying to share one because the Beast has taken to making only one or two cigarettes at a time.  He says he is smoking less but, in truth, he's stealing cigarettes from me even though he smokes lights and I don't.  He still goes through more tubes and tobacco than I do.

  He had to go to the smoke shop today because he had screwed up and bought me regular size tubes instead of the 100's that I use.  I told him as he walked out the door to not forget to pick up another cigarette maker.  With that, I went to take my nap and get my foot raised up for a while.  When I woke up, I found he had put the old cigarette maker that he bad been using on my tray.  I knew what that meant.  As usual, he bought a NEW one, so I automatically get the OLD one.  But, I knew that even if he had planned on giving me the new one (slight chance of that ever happening), it would never have happened.  The new cigarette maker is CHROME!    I kid you not.  I didn't know whether to laugh or hit him with a baseball bat.

  The smoke shop has several different models of cigarette makers.  I've seen them with my own eyes.  Most of them are actually fairly inexpensive.  This chrome model has to be a new addition because I have never seen it before.  It also reeks of expensive.  With all the different models and prices, it wouldn't have mattered once the chrome one was added.  HE HAD TO HAVE IT!!!  You would think a grown man would have long ago gotten over that need.  At one time, he owned so many chrome tools (mostly electronic gizmos), that a man who was a professional mechanic said he wished he owned the Beast's tool box.    This is a true sickness.  I know.  I've lived with it for almost 47 years now.  <<THUD>>  OMG!!!  Has it really been that long????

  Yep.  We got married on August 1, 1964 in Oakbrook, Illinois.  We pulled a judge out of the 19th Hole there to perform the ceremony and had three of our friends there with us.  The reason for this is waaaaay too complex to explain but poor Judge Doscotch was a sweetie.  The Beast often asked if a marriage was valid if the judge was inebriated.  Always hopeful.  LOL.

  Okay..enough on the subject of the Beast and CHROME.  I noticed today that the Beast has given up on the melon patch after going over it thoroughly.  The few melons he had hopes for and had elevated to protect from the ground went bad.  He went through it and cut up the vines into sections and threw them all into the barrel to turn into compost.  He even went over the area with the rototiller and threw down grass seed then put a layer of dirt over it all before he watered it.  He desperately wants to grow some different kinds of melons but says he's going to take his cues from our peaches and apples.  Until and unless we finally defeat the problems with the fungus, he says he won't try it again.  We'll see.  I've heard him make pronouncements similar in nature and his stubborn streak will kick in and he *forgets* what he had said.

  Time to close this for today.  Love you all and I sure hope you are keeping cool these days.  We are expecting triple digit temperatures towards the end of the week and the weekend.  I doubt we will be doing much outside for a while.  Especially the Beast.  He suffers greatly in the heat and it actually will take a heavy toll on him.  I've seen it send him to bed for a few days.  It never used to bother him much until after his strokes.  I worry about him getting heat stroke so I make sure he hydrates well and keep cold rags for  his  face and neck.  He thinks I'm a worrywart so I try not to make it so obvious.  I'll just *tell* him that there are cool rags for him when he thinks he needs them and he knows where the water is.  If he hits the bed as soon as he comes in the house, THEN I will bring them to him because he's all about appearing macho.  Hitting the bed means he's gone over his limit.

  Be good.  Be careful.  Stay cool.  Drink a lot of water.  Drive very carefully.  Hot weather means short tempers for lots of people.  Don't give in to that.  Life is too short and accidents happen in the blink of an eye. 

  • 10:27 pm
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