April 21, 2011

  • Have You Ever Wished......


    TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM

    The Beast's surgery is scheduled once again.  This time for Monday, the 25th at 1pm.  We don't know what time the hospital will want him to show up so they can prep him for it but they should call us tomorrow or Friday.

    I'm very torn about this.  He needs it and lord knows we want that tumor gone but....  The doctor told me that if they have to go into the lining of the bladder, it will mean a permanent catheter.  I know my husband.  He will hate it beyond understanding.  He will never come to terms with the very idea of it.  I find myself wishing that, should that happen (penetrating of the lining), that he dies instead of lives.  For his sake because it would make him suicidal and, with all the guns we have here, I just can't face that idea.  Besides, it really makes a mess. 

    The idea that I would prefer him to die rather than be faced with the prospect of a permanent catheter seems just awful to me.  We've been together now since 1960 and we married in 1964.  That's a lot of history.  We've raised four kids, a couple siblings and grandkids at differemt times and for various durations.  We traveled all over the country with our kids.  We camped in 38 of 50 states and had fun doing it.  We started a successful business together.  I nursed him through two strokes and we built the house of our dreams together, too.  We ended up retiring, not in the house of our dreams but in the summer home we had bought for the Beast to spend his summers in rather than suffer through Florida's summer heat and humidity.  If we had known it would end up happening that way, we would have bought a bigger house. 

    It hasn't been all peaches and cream.  He was a functional alcoholic for several years and was both physically and mentally abusive.  The strokes put an end to both, thank God.  But the good times outweighed the bad ones.  I found a kind of peace and contentment in our life together, especially at this, the end game of our lives.  I can live without him if I must.  The opposite wouldn't be true, sad to say. 

    I've given it a lot of thought and I pray that the surgery, which includes the removal of half his prostate, is successful.  Say a little prayer for him on Monday, won't you?  Because if it's not, I wish.................

    Love you all.  Be kind to each other.  Be safe.  Stay healthy.

Comments (2)

  • You both have my prayers.  If it comes to it, ask questions about a suprapubic catheter.  I haul my ogre in for hernia surgery in a few hours...whee!

  • Thanks for the heads up on the suprapubic catheter.  I made a note to myself to ask the doctor about it if he thinks it's a real possibility.  Regardless of what happens, the week to ten days afterward will not be fun.

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