October 28, 2010

  • I Am Ticked Off At The Selfishness Of People Who Commit Suicide


    TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM

    I am not going to go into real specifics for many reasons but I just found out about someone I know/knew that committed suicide last week.  He was the brother of someone I happen to love a great deal (and, no, it's not the Beast's )  It really made me angry.  I'm angry at the person for many reasons.  The one that really hits me initially about it is that he was doing it when he did to ruin what should have been a happy event for the family.  I haven't spoken to them directly yet so I don't know if they found out about it before or after the event.  However, knowing the selfishness of the person involved, I have a hunch it was part of his plan to make sure they heard about it BEFORE the event.

    I won't claim to know the person very well.  I only met him a few times at various events but I labeled him a male *drama-queen* because he had a way of spoiling things for his family and others when he couldn't get his own way.  He had some serious problems, mostly drug-related.  He left behind a nice son who loved his father despite all his failings (but all kids are like that..you love your parents and just want them to love you, too).

    I saw him on a couple occasions cause a scene at gatherings (special events with family and friends attending) where he would be drunk and high on drugs because he wanted to embarrass his mother and siblings when the mother wouldn't give him money.  She had stopped doing it because it was only going to feed his habit.  He had been in rehab several times and just started back down the same trail within weeks of getting *clean and sober*.  He stole from the family business to the point that he was finally banned from the premises.  They never prosecuted him (since he WAS family) but it often caused a hardship on the mother emotionally since this was her only son.  The sisters were also running low on hope.  It took a lot for them to admit they no longer trusted him nor wanted him around.  Their hearts all ached because he was, after all, still their brother.  It was just a sad situation all around.

    But, my anger is for the brother.  He is the one that chose drugs over his family, even his wife and son.  He is the one that was so totally self-centered  that it was always, always about HIM.  When he couldn't have his way, he created a scene.  Even now, I do not have any sympathy for him because I think his suicide was a total act of melodrama and it was not because he was despondent, unless he was upset about not getting his way nor being the center of attention. 

    I have no idea of just how he chose to commit suicide but...if he did it with drugs, I will make you a bet that he really hoped to be found and rushed to the hospital and saved.  That would garner him the attention he craved (plus he would get more drugs) and the sympathy he needed like a drug.  The fact that his mother and sisters were going to be celebrating what should be a happy occasion just had to rub him the wrong way since he was not part of it (and probably wasn't welcome either since that would have been a disaster).  Hell, one way or another, he was going to ruin it for them anyway.

    Now, if he blew his brains out or hung himself, then I will know he really wanted out of his problems and just tied the two events together to cause as much sorrow and misery as he could since he felt that way.  He wanted to punish them all for HIS mistakes, HIS problems, HIS choices in life.  He couldn't take the blame for anything and he sure didn't want anyone else to be happy when he was miserable.

    I think many suicides are driven by the same kind of motives.  Seldom are there true despondent people that are ignored.  I'm not talking about the tragic teenage suicides but about adults that have many more years and knowledge of the help available to them if they just reach out.  I'm talking about the ones like the brother....self-centered and self-serving.

    The family will, of course, feel deep sorrow and they will still feel like they somehow failed their loved one.  It will leave scars on their hearts and minds for years to come.  It's much easier for some reason to think *if only I had done this or that, maybe it would have been different*..than to accept the fact that the choices were not theirs to make but HIS.  It's a lot like tough love.  You have to learn to accept the fact that you are NOT responsible for the choices someone makes.  You ARE responsible if you make excuses for them and enable them by bailing them out or giving them cash or give them power over you because you keep making excuses for them.  Some people are just never going to be worth your time, effort or emotional well-being.  We should mourn the person they might have been but accept the fact that THEIR CHOICES made that impossible. 

    I pray that the family doesn't grieve too long or too hard.  That they put what happened into the proper perspective for their own happiness.  Keep any good memories close to their hearts and don't take any responsibility for the rest.  Say a prayer for them, if you don't mind because I love them all dearly.

    Love you all.