July 9, 2009

• A Few Thoughts About Family Trees...

  Bratfink and I got to talking a bit this morning about families because of an incident with the Beast's cousin, Blowhard. I know that every family has someone like him. It was all because he said to me that he had had his first cataract surgery on Tuesday and he did it without taking any anesthetics. He was saying it like he had been so brave and manly and, of course, I had both my eyes done a little over a year ago and I KNOW. By that, I mean that I asked questions and one of the things I KNOW is that you are NEVER given an anesthetic because you must be awake for cataract surgery. The reason? If you are put to sleep, your eyes roll back in your head and make it impossible for the surgery. I have heard so much bullshit from this particular person that I said to him, *Blowhard, they don't want to put you to sleep because your eyes roll back in your head. All you get is numbing drops in the eyes and the surgery is painless and over in about 5 minutes or so.* He kind of stammered a bit and then, to distract me from his having to make any kind of real response said, *....and I am seeing so much better. It's not perfect yet but it's great.*

  I, being the kind person that I am (and Bratfink finds this as a fault with me), just said, *Isn't it fantastic?* I let him go on for a minute or so and then he was very anxious to get off the phone with me. Now I know this is not a real confrontation with Blowhard and my voice was very gentle. But he makes me absolutely crazy with his exaggerations about EVERYTHING. I don't understand why he does it because we know the truth or else we find out the truth because his mother or sister or even his kids let us know.

  I started telling Bratfink about some of the other weirdos in the Beast's family. The uncle that read palms and told me that I would have three children and the Beast would have four. He got the weirdest look on his face like he was having a lot of fun with that idea. He also read tarot cards and believed himself. He was, btw, always wrong but it never deterred him from inflicting himself on everyone at any gathering. l

  He has another cousin, a female we shall call Prunella. She was a flaming redhead that put the UGH in UGHLY (pardon the misspelling but it is deliberate). She did, however, think she was gorgeous and wore some of the worst clothing for her. She was also a kleptomaniac. The nicest thing I can say about her is that she died an early death from an undetected heart defect that seems to run in her father's family.

  He has two twin cousin, Pete and Repeat, that were as different as night and day. One was not bright but he tried hard, graduated from high school, went on to trade school and married like a normal person. The other one was a born criminal with all that entails and couldn't be trusted in his own mother's home. He stole money from her and even stole her TV one day while she was out. She was constantly having to change her locks because her goofy husband would give the kid a key. Her husband, btw, used to sleep with some strange woman's underpants under his pillow. He wasn't a good looking guy but apparantly he had some sort of charge and his aunt was constantly catching him fooling around with someone. She once took a cast iron pan to him while he was sleeping when she had finally HAD it with him. She filed for divorce the next day.

  I could tell you stories about his family that you wouldn't believe all the way back to his great-grandfather but the end result is that Bratfink decided the *Weird's* are not alone in this world. The funny thing is that the Beast's father actually thought MY family was socially WAY under his. It's enough to make you want to either tear your hair out or laugh your butt off.....that is, IF YOU GAVE A DAMN. Which I never did because I could see with my own eyes that his family had a long way to go to catch up with US.

  I know this is a bit of a rant but haven't you had those kind of days? When the other shoe FINALLY dropped and your temper with it? I have had it up to my chin with that kind of crap from someone who tries to act better than anyone and I know he actually is so damn envious of us that he can't stand it. He's even deliberately destroyed things that belong to us because of it. Oh, and he also stole MY fishing rod and reel (it was new) and gave it to his dad for Father's Day one year. Of course, we discovered it and actually got it back but can you believe the nerve? The worst thing is that no one called him on the carpet for it (it wasn't my place but it sure burned me up) so everyone is enabling him to continue on.

  Oh well, rant is over. Thank you for listening although I know you could care less....LOL. Have a great day, take care and please be careful while out in the world at large. If you see someone without a smile on their face, give them one of yours, please.

  • 1:34 am
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