August 21, 2011
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Late Night Thoughts
TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM
Why is it that late at night (at least for us *old folks*), it becomes a time for deep thoughts and reflections? I happened to think about something my sister, Bratfink, and I were talking about earlier today and that thought took me to other places. It made me think about how often I’ve sat here, late at night, and thought about all the things I wanted to do when I was younger and about all the things I did that I never considered. I mean…how many city girls think about deep sea fishing when they’ve never even fished for a fresh water fish or even tried to put a worm on a hook. Especially when you have a father that thinks it’s not something girls are interested in even if you ask to do it.
My dad would let my brothers *wet a worm* when we would go on picnics at one of the various parks that had ponds or lagoons. I was always a bit jealous because I would have loved to try to catch a fish but it wasn’t a *girl thing* in his mind. I also used to watch him work on our cars in the alley lot at our house in the city and I loved the smell of the grease and gasoline. I wanted him to teach me how to do some of the things he was doing (changing spark plugs, changing oil, etc) and he was flat-out horrified by the very idea. Hell, it wasn’t all that many years in the future when many girls/women were actually doing it. Times can sure change fast. In some ways, I was a girl ahead of my time but I was born too soon. **Sigh** I think even my father changed his tune not too many years after his horror at my suggestion but I was already gone from home by then.
I wanted to be another Lois Lane at one time. That is, until I spent six weeks at one of our major newspapers during the summer and found out that newspapers were almost as full of politics as Washington D.C. Too much sniping and underhanded stuff went on and talent was really secondary or even third. I wanted no part of that, trust me. It wasn’t my nature. But, years later, I actually got a chance to write when I went to work at an advertising agency and filled in at times for the actual writers. It eventually got me into the Creative department full-time when the director realized I was good at it. I was tickled pink and had the most fun at it than at any other job in my life. I did it for over five years and enjoyed damn near every moment of it. I can’t say all of it because there were times…..but, hey, that’s with any job!
I also reflected on my marriage and it’s ups and downs. I never minded the financial hardships but I sure hated more than a few years of physical and emotional abuse I went through. I’m one of those *marriage is forever* people. Can’t help it. It’s the way I am. So I suffered and endured. If I had it to do over, however, I would have left him and divorced him. It would have been better for my kids. But…there IS a God! He had two strokes and someone, when he was in intensive care, told him when he asked where he was (a stroke is painless and he wasn’t aware of what happened to him) that he was in a hospital where he was being punished for all the evil things he had done in his life. I swear to you, that really happened although the nurses told me that no nurse of her description was working there at the time. Too bad. Must have been an angel sent to give him fair warning. I really wanted to thank her.
I definitely never, ever thought I would end up owning six different homes in my lifetime either (although one was bought as a rental). And, incredibly, actually owned four out of the six outright. Fully paid for.
Not bad for two kids from middle-class families from Chicago. We worked hard but we also did things right. Once you get that first house paid for ahead of time, the rest comes easy. It’s very comforting to own a house from the first day you move into it. Hell, we even had a house custom built for us and it was paid for from the day we signed the final papers. That was a true treat. My only regret is the house we live in now. IF we had known (and we both agree on this part) that it would have been the house we retired in, it would have been a bigger house we chose. It is a great house for just the two of us most of the time but add a damn 110 lb. oversized Doberman and you can understand how it might seem a bit on the smallish side even without company. He’s such a klutz, too, that it doesn’t help. We both agree that a couple hundred more square feet would have been wonderful. I’ve seen the Beast eyeball the house thinking about the chances of extending it here or there. I think he’s even thought about converting the garage and building a separate garage but that would be a real nightmare at this point. I suggested buying another one of the adjoining lots that are still available and building another house and using THIS one for a rental but we would have to wait for my niece to be able to pay off the house she is buying from us. As it is, we don’t see that happening any time soon with her starting her business and all. Besides all the banking problems and tougher credit laws in this crappy economy, she really won’t be able to qualify unless things go well for her for several years. So that thought went by the wayside. Besides, the idea of moving again, even a few hundred yards, makes me shudder. No real solutions there, are there?
I would love to get a newer, more comfortable car but the Beast spent so much money on his guns, ammunition and scopes, he really used up what would have been our new car money. At least to MY way of thinking. Lord only knows how the Beast thinks these days. **Shudder** That scares the hell out of me.
I also think about the state of my health. Normally, I am in good shape. My diabetes has been under control and I haven’t had any major problems. But these feet of mine are pushing me to the limits of my endurance. The pain seems not to be going away. It fades a bit from time-to-time but it doesn’t seem to be truly making me feel like it’s going to go away. That’s scary. If the sores healed well and the pain lessened, I could probably learn to live with it. By lessening, I mean that it wouldn’t interfere with sleeping and I could resume driving again without fear. Right now, no way! I spend more time asleep in my recliner than I have been able to do in my own bed (except for the past three days). I’m not sure if that’s because I’m outright exhausted with little sleep and then add Chewlee to the mix or if I am really not hurting as much when I sleep in my own bed. It’s a coin toss.
These are just a few of the things that roll through my mind late at night. I also worry about my sister, Bratfink and HER health problems. I worry about my sister, Cee, and her having to take care of Baby Brat and Frankenstein. They both have unique health problems and Frankenstein is really getting up in years now. When he finally dies, it will be a sad day for Cee. She does love him and she will miss him greatly. I know she would love to be close to her daughter and family but I also know she would miss Florida. I have no idea what she would decide to do when she is free to think about doing something different.
I am glad there are a few family members I don’t have to worry about and one or two that I REFUSE to think about. I try very hard not to worry about my kids because there’s nothing I can do about them and that would bug me even more so than anyone else. I would do more for them if the Beast weren’t constantly spending us into the poor house. I would rather do that while I am alive than for them to wait until I die, know what I mean?
Ack! I think I am going to stop doing this now or I will make myself nuts.
Be good. Be happy. Stay healthy. 
