October 29, 2011
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Disappointment?
TALES FROM THE BRAT FARM
I was thinking about how differently people handle disappointment. I mean both the little and big ones. Little ones are like when the hubby comes home from shopping and he’s forgotten something that was important to you for whatever reason. Big disappointments are like when you are promised something you wanted and then don’t get it for any good reason. Or when your teenagers get in trouble at school or, god forbid, the police. Those are major disappointments with your kids or your spouse.
When the Beast and I had our house in Florida up for sale and it was taking a long time to sell, we had made up our mind that the last cut in price we made was IT and we would keep the house before we went any lower. Thankfully, it sold. One of the only things I told the Beast I wanted when it sold was a TempurPedic mattress. Our mattress was 10 years old anyway and uncomfortable as hell. I asked when I was going to get it and never got an answer. Every time he’s spent money, I have told him that I asked for just one thing and he’s spent thousands on things HE wanted. It doesn’t make a difference to him. I told you, he MUST control everything and it’s not something HE wants so it’s not important.
Major disappointment for me. First, because I have a major spinal problem that it would help. Second because it’s just another example of how callous the Beast can be about anything *I* want. The Beast once said to me, *You can always just go and buy what you need, ya know!* Key word: *NEED*. I priced the mattress and it’s not cheap. Even on sale, the price could feed a family of four for several months. That isn’t something that a poor kid from Chicago can easily justify spending without a LOT of thought. I shop thrift stores as much as I can even though we aren’t really poor. Not yet, anyway, although the Beast seems to be trying his best to put us in the Poor House.
So, how do I handle it? I ask God to not keep any hurt or anger in my heart because it makes a person bitter and I don’t want to be that person. All I ask is that HE (the Beast) dies before *I* do.
Hey, it’s the least He can do for me. I’ve endured a LOT during my lifetime. That way I can get my mattress and enjoy it for however long I have left.I’m really a person of few needs or wants. I just want peace and some love in my life. Happiness comes from within and I am happy most of the time. It’s awful to say but some of my happiest times are when the Beast goes away for a few days. I can relax and know he’s not going to suddenly ruin my day by some unreasonable demand OR trying to blame me for one of HIS mistakes. And, trust me, he does that. Even when it’s proven it wasn’t MY doing, he has never in the 51 years that I have known him (we are married 46 years now) EVER apologized to ME. EVER. NEVER. I’ve heard him apologize to others so he CAN do it but never, ever to ME. I don’t know why. Perhaps because I resist being totally under his control in both thoughts and actions. I have no real idea. I’m not a psychiatrist. He’s become his own father, whom he detested but even the Brother says it at times. He can see it, too.
With someone like that in my life, I would be a psycho case myself if I didn’t know how to handle disappointment. I just think that things will be okay without whatever it is. It’s not like it’s life or death. With people, you just ask God to help them in their lives to improve their actions and be happy. Most people disappoint you because you always expect the best from them so when they don’t give it, it hurts or bothers you. You can’t blame yourself. They are responsible for their own actions. You, however, have to learn to accept them as they ARE. Not as you wish them to be. That’s sometimes tougher to do but it’s possible. I know.
Love you all. Keep warm. Stay happy. Smile as much as you can. Love with all your heart.
